You Benefitting from the Mess?

Here's a question that made me pause and think - and I’m sharing it with you cause maybe it will do the same:

How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?

I say I don’t want to be lukewarm.
I say I don’t want to just sing songs.
I say I want to lead from overflow.

But I keep tolerating hurry.
Distraction.
Doom-scrolling
Surface-level living.
Performing when I should be beholding.

Why?

Because some version of me-the insecure one, the tired one, the hustling one, the lazy one — is benefiting from the mess.

But not the real me.

Not the me who was called

Not the me that’s already loved.

Not the me hidden in Christ.
Not the me who already has His peace, His righteousness, and His approval — right now, before I fix a single thing.

Here’s the truth:

Jesus is not waiting for you to improve yourself.
He’s not holding back until you get it together.

He’s inviting you into honesty. Into the now.
Not to shame you — but to heal you.

Not to pressure you — but to restore you.

To remind you: You are already loved.

And from that love, you can ask hard questions without fear.

So here are the questions I’m sitting with:

1. What version of me is benefiting from this chaos? 
   Is it the version that feels unworthy? Afraid? Overcommitted? Lazy? Jaded?

2. What is this costing “the me” that Jesus already sees? 
   The peaceful, rooted, present version — the one seated with Him. The one who leads presence-based encounters, every single time.

3. Am I living in rhythms that lead to life… or just survival? 
   Would I want to live this way for 10 years?

4. What feels small now but is slowly stealing my worship? 
   My sleep? My habits? My secret thoughts?

Don’t go into self-examination alone. Jesus is the safest place to reflect.

He already knows. He already sees. And He already loves you.

So bring Him into the questions. Let Him sit with you in the silence. Let His love reveal what needs to change — and what never will.

You are already loved. 

You don’t have to earn that.

But you can live like it’s true.

Cause it is.