True North Star

True North

I have lived for the praise of others. I enjoy the admiration, respect, “love,” and status I get from being on a stage. I love what I do on stage—whether that be leading worship, performing in a concert, or acting in a play. Being on stage is my happy place. 

I remember, back in Grade 6, I think, performing with others a lip-sync of the Beatles song “ Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.” There is a moment in the song where one of the Beatles laughs, and I act that out. I remember the audience laughing and enjoying what I did… I was hooked. This. I want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

I sing, act, speak publically, and even dance. I’ve won drama and music awards through high school and college. As a teenager, I learned the craft in a performing arts troop that included people who are now famous Hollywood actors (Marvel movies, etc.). I’ve been in professional musicals, paid concerts, and even hosted a TV series—all before I was 20.

I wanted to be on stage, and I wanted to influence people (and help them love me)

I’ve written before about how I wanted to win a Grammy award (public recognition) and how God asked and enabled me to lay it down. 

I can’t separate my love for the stage and its benefits from my love and sense of calling to be a worship leader. I enjoy it, and I enjoy having that role before people.

The challenge now is to get on stage and do it for the praise of God, not the praise of men. I’m a lot better at this than I was - and it took some painful sidelining by God for me to learn and live who I was off stage and to see myself as He sees me. 

That scripture again: 

According to Jesus, unbelief is connected to living to enjoy the praises of others. It’s the very thing I have done, that has driven me for almost my whole life. 

Living to enjoy the praise of God is the pivot. I do what makes Dad proud. I am not just trying to impress Him; His values have become my values, and when I live according to those values, I make Him (and myself) proud.

It’s not giving up on being on stage. It’s doing it for a different reason and motivation.

My North Star used to be my happiness, my security, my comfort - and on many days/moments, it still is. But I want to live and do things that not just make me happy but also make me proud- proud of myself - as I share His values. 

The funny thing is, when you are proud of yourself for the value-driven things you have done, you get happiness, a joy that can’t be stolen. You can try to be just happy or try to be proud (which leads to happiness).

In a world that is constantly spinning - literally and figuratively, it is so easy to lose our way, to lose our perspective, to focus on things that are blurring past our eyes. A figure skater keeps her balance and poise while spinning at incredible speeds by focusing on a fixed point. Eyes locked.

Eyes locked on a true north star.

My true north star:
Do what will make you proud.

What makes me proud is what would make my Father proud - and my heart and eyes are fixed on Him.

Optimize for what makes you and your Father proud. 

(Happiness is a fruit of that!)

Live to enjoy the pride in His eyes, not for the praise of others. 

(easier said than done)