A few nights ago, I was getting ready for bed when I asked the Lord a question:

Why am I still afraid?

Why do I feel this inner resistance whenever I think about promoting Already Loved?

Why does turning on a camera and talking about the thing that matters most to me feel so difficult?

His answer came almost immediately:

Because you’re afraid of people.

Not really afraid of the subject.

Afraid of what people might think about me.

There is something about standing in public and saying, Here I am. This is what I believe. This is what I’ve made. This matters to me.

It feels like drawing attention to myself.

It isn’t only Already Loved. I’ve felt it with worship too. Any time I create something and place it in front of people, the same resistance rises.

What will they think?

Will they misunderstand me?

Will they think I’m trying too hard?

Will they reject the thing—or, worse, reject me?

Last week, I recorded a video.

That was a real step for me. I included it in my newsletter and uploaded it to YouTube.

But I didn’t make clips.

I didn’t share it on social media.

I didn’t really tell anyone it was there.

I had technically made myself visible, but I had placed the video in one of the safest rooms I could find: a YouTube page with almost no one watching.

I could say, “Well, I posted it.”

And I did.

But I was still hiding.

As I sat with this, an image came to me.

Imagine that you are drowning in the ocean.

You don’t know how much longer you can keep your head above the water. Then a lifeboat appears. Someone throws you a life preserver and reaches out to pull you in.

In that moment, it doesn’t matter how you ended up in the ocean.

Maybe you fell from a plane.

Maybe your boat capsized.

Maybe you swam too far from shore.

Maybe you ignored every warning and jumped in yourself.

There may be a real explanation. There may be a long story behind it.

But while you are treading water, understanding the story will not rescue you.

You don’t need a perfect explanation.

You need to grab the life preserver.

I have spent a lot of time trying to understand my fear.

Where did it come from?

Why do I hide?

What happened to me?

Why is visibility so hard?

Those can be worthwhile questions. But I think I quietly began believing that once I finally understood my fear, I would be free from it.

As though the explanation itself could pull me out of the water.

It can’t.

Freedom does not always begin with finally understanding why I am afraid.

Sometimes freedom begins by taking hold of the One who has already come for me.

It made me think about Adam and Eve.

They had walked with God in the garden. They knew the sound of His presence. But after shame entered their story, they heard Him coming and hid.

God called out:

“Where are you?”

He wasn’t asking because He had lost them.

He was inviting them to come out of hiding.

I wonder what might have happened if they had stepped forward and simply said:

Here I am. I don’t know what to do.

Instead, shame told them to stay hidden until they could explain themselves, cover themselves or somehow repair what had happened.

I recognize that instinct.

I keep thinking I need to become more confident before I show up.

I need to resolve the fear.

I need to be certain that people will understand.

I need to feel safe before I can say, “Here I am.”

But perhaps confidence is not something I must manufacture before coming into the light.

Perhaps it is something I receive in His presence.

Peace is easier there.

Joy is easier there.

Freedom is easier there.

Even courage is easier there.

The answer is not to stand in the ocean and analyze the water.

The answer is to let myself be rescued.

To stop hiding.

To take the next small step into visibility, even with fear still present.

Last week, that step was recording the video.

This week, perhaps it is sharing it where people can actually see it.

Not because I have conquered every fear.

Not because I no longer care what anyone thinks.

But because Someone is already in the boat, reaching toward me.

The question may not be:

Why am I still afraid?

The question may simply be:

Will I come?

Will I leave the hiding place?

Will I take hold of the hand that is already reaching for me?

Will I answer the voice calling through the garden?

Here I am.