Disqualified.

Ever felt disqualified from the very thing you felt called to do?

Me too.

My friend felt disqualified from ministry due to his poor choices, which left him feeling embarrassed and ashamed. He believed these actions meant he could no longer pursue a life of fruitfulness in the kingdom. Instead, he thought his focus should be on making a living, his family, marriage, and children - all noble pursuits.

This sense of disqualification was profound and something I have experienced as well. It felt like I was on Plan A for my life, but after I made a mistake, I was on Plan B. Sure, He loves me, but I thought He had moved on to someone better for the task. It was 3 am when my friend and I were talking, I wasn't thinking clearly, but the statement "I feel disqualified" made me ask the question, “What qualified us in the beginning anyways?”.

Was it our gifts, talents, or abilities? Was it our desire to be of use in ministry and to be called good and faithful? Was it how people responded to us, making us feel important and fruitful?

It’s not like we suddenly become flawed; we have always been imperfect. Or maybe it's the fact that nobody knew how messed up we were?? As long as nobody knew - it was all good. These imperfects simply surfaced over time. Issues tend to surface when the heat of circumstance is applied. But what truly qualified us in the beginning? Didn't God know about our brokenness before calling us?

“I knew what I was getting into, when I called you…”
Listen to this…

Perhaps we view righteousness or good behavior as qualifications for our calling; this may hold some truth when considering human perception. However, in God's eyes, He made Him who had no sin, so that we could be in union with Him and take on that righteousness.

Think of the guy inside the Mickey Mouse suit at Disneyland, with all the kids running up to him and squealing with joy. Imagine the actor wearing the costume began thinking these kids were attracted to his chain-smoking, foul-mouthed self; no, when they look at him, they see Mickey. Micky has earned the trust of the kids, not because of his own behaviour and righteousness, but because of his qualification.

It is easy to forget that our union with Jesus remains unchanged despite past mistakes or shortcomings, and thus our qualification for His work remains unchanged too. Before we disqualify ourselves based on our errors or perceived unworthiness, let us remember that it is only through Jesus that we are deemed fit to serve Him.

God may give us a timeout, but it is always for our good and His plan A is for us to become more like Christ, not just to have a global impact.

His desire is for wholeness, transparency, and intimacy in us. From that place, the sweetest fruit will come.

Before we disqualify ourselves, let us remember what qualified us in the beginning and who and why we were qualified. If none of those things have changed, even though it is dark, perhaps we need to stop doubting what we once believed in the light.